My heart is bleeding for itself

May 22, 2009

Last night I went to our family doctor for my medical clearance, a requirement for enrolment. My doctor (he is actually a pediatrician) has been looking after my health for nearly 15 years. In the past we went to him only when I get sick (or really sick – it usually takes a 40-degree fever and bloody discharges to convince my parents that I need medical help) but since I have begun to have recurrent episodes of ___, he had been giving me a routine body check. A routine body check includes the accurate taking of body measurements and temperature, visual check, a 20-minute check-up, and of course, pulse rate and blood pressure. It’s really simple and I never thought that they were that important (I mean, I would have found out something was wrong with me before those instruments did). They were just the formal ones and the only ones I can afford given our financial difficulties.

 

After taking my weight, height and body mass index (it’s really easy to compute – just divide your weight in kilograms by the square of your height in meters), he took my pulse rate. My pulse rate was at 70 which is normal. He then took my blood pressure. My blood pressure was 150/90 (normal is 120/70).

 

My doctor found that my blood pressure was very high. I had been registering higher-than-average blood pressure since last year but my doctor told me that they were still inside the normal continuum and were probably the results of overwork, tension and anxiety. A lot of factors contributed to my higher-than-average blood pressure then: my medications, school work, and issues to deal with. However, I have stopped taking my prescription drugs 9 months ago and have no school work to pressure me. As a matter of fact, I had been resting too much that I’m tired of sleeping, eating, using the PC… I’m tired my lazy katuga routine.

 

My mother has high blood pressure and two of her close relatives died from heart disease at a relatively early age. Heart disease runs in her family (not my father’s – they have no history of strokes or heart attacks). My doctor told me that my high blood pressure is probably inherited and aggravated by my lazy lifestyle and unhealthy diet (we now have a carinderia – go figure). I feel so unlucky when it comes to my health – I inherited from my mother’s family my imbalanced brain chemistry, pulmonary tuberculosis and now high blood pressure.

 

I was depressed. I felt weak and couldn’t answer my doctor’s questions clearly. He said that I try a low-salt and low-fat diet and do brisk walking every morning. He sensed that I was become too anxious for my own good – he assured me that I’m not yet going to die of high blood pressure, it is not critically high and I could do much to reverse the trend without taking medications (I’m averse in using drugs to cure myself). After all, I’m young – my body can still take the extra strain. But not for a very long time.

 

My doctor signed the form but cheated my blood pressure. He said that it might attract the attention of medical counselors in school and make my enrolment more complicated especially as I’m enrolling for a PE subject; he told me that badminton doesn’t sound to be an unsafe form of physical exertion in my current condition. My “official” blood pressure is 130/80. Except for that, my organ systems are still normal. Nevertheless he told me to watch for kidney trouble (if I get pains at the back, painful urination and abnormal discharges), pains at the back of my head, frequent spells of dizziness and palpitations. I am scared but my doctor told me that anxiety would do me more harm than good. A healthy diet, exercise and most of all, peace of mind, is what I need and can do to improve my situation. And lastly, on a light note, he said that he wasn’t slating me in his hypertensive clients list yet (hypertensive is above 140/90 but he said he’ll make an exception with my case).

 

I’m not saying I have recovered from the shock of yesterday’s news but I’m trying. It’s always a state of mind. My body, more so my mind, can’t stand another state of calamity. Surely I don’t want to die yet or die clutching my chest and gasping for air but more than that, I don’t want to die with a troubled mind. My goal is to die smiling, to die content that I have lived my life in the best way possible. I can’t die smiling yet so the struggle to get better and increase the number of my future birthday celebrations.

 

Have a heart for your heart!